#nope no anxiety here
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This nervous lady is getting ready for some international travel. Trying to channel my inner Miss Lavish.
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Did you ever need to read something so bad you fucking WRITHE with agony when you realize you probably will never be able to?
i was trying to find the sone with the indent on the wall and the guy bleeding out of its forehead but I couldn’t find it
#the prescription#I wanna read it so bad but I don’t have money of my own yet I can’t ask for patron because I looked and it’s for 18 plus#In not 18 and there is no way my mom would let me do that for 10 dollars a month#I know there is a. Slim possibility that there is a print version coming eventually but I think I’m jus misinformed on that I have to check#I’m going to get a job and my own bank account soon#Then I can do the stuff with the patreon#There is hope for me#Eventually#I just gotta get a job#That’s a stupid reason to get a job lol#“Why are you here?” “I wanna read something that requires I spend 10 smackaroonies a month to access and I’ve got just the right amount of#Of anxiety preventing me from asking my mom for the thing I would like to read….. also I wanna buy my own shit and not have to be#Be embarrassed every time I want something because I have to asks my mom for money” “are you sure there are no other reasons??” “Nope!”#Eppy
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Quietly and quickly kicks Moras secret breed.ing k.ink under the rug seeing the current chat on dash right now
#MUN. ooc#( what didn't say anything mustve been the wind#certainly totally isnt interest on the receiving end of it either nope not at all )#nsft //#to be deleted //#usfw //#really testing the vibes and my own anxieties by posting this here and not sideblog
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EA STUFF
tell me why this video jad me checking my windows when i live on the second floor 😭😭
scary as shit and made me realize my window lock is broken😃👍
#i am definitely not paranoid now at all#nope#no anxiety here!#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redactedverse#meridians hyperfixations✨
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it's so unfair that I can be super confident and witty when it comes to talking to my friends but the instant I consider saying the words "want to go out for coffee sometime?" (or similar things) I become the most awkward person alive
#i think it's mainly that i struggle with admitting emotional vulnerability like that. even when it comes to completely normal things#it's not that i'm afraid of being rejected bc like. the worst that happens is you just move on. we can be adults here#it's just that my mother treats any deeper emotion as either something to tease or a personal slight with no in-between#so it's hard for me to express genuine vulnerable feelings and emotions without feeling like i'll be laughed at or mocked for it#and then i get irrational levels of anxiety over something that's honestly not that big a deal#it's almost funny bc everyone seems to expect me to be really fearless in romance bc i'm generally a confident person#nope i go from making stupid sex jokes with my friends to being a red-faced stammering mess trying to ask someone out to lunch
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I am preparing for another emotionally and mentally exhausting day, bc today is the day im going to be told my wisdom teeth need to come out.
#i cant believe ive had to wait two weeks for a 15 minute conversation about a question ik the answer to already#I've seen the xrays. its bad#theres no other answer#and it FREAKS ME OUT#like if u knowe u knowy anxiety haa gotten bad in the past few year. therepy worked wonders. i thought it was gome#nope. still here. still bad as ever. just only about the dentist#i hate the dentist#i hate it i hate it i hate it#i dont wanna go#when they take me for my wisdom teeth im going to be dragged out kicking and screamjng i bet
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It's an Art (Angel Torres x Reader, Nope Reader Insert)
A/N: This may seem random but I watched Nope with my husband the other day and wrote a thing. (More than one but this is the one I posted.
The dirt in the air was brutal on your lenses but you tried not to think about it. You focused on getting the best shots. You back up camera ready to go in case the canon failed. The main issue you faced was the shutter could only work so fast. You had to try and anticipate the actions of an unpredictable creature. Sure, you had practice in the field, but this was unlike anything you had seen before. You honestly doubted your own skills for this one. It was increasingly frustrating. You almost wish you had just brought your old Bell and Howell 8mm motion picture camera. But your uncle had said that even if you just got photos documenting everything else it was worth it. So you kept at it. You shot multiple rolls of film. “The light,” Antlers says. You look up from where you were changing the film in your canon. You tuck the finished film in the case and into your bag. You are just snapping the camera casing closed after placing the new one when he continues. “The light, it's going to be magic soon.” Your stomach dropped. “What?” You started as your uncle began walking away. “Wait, no, you can't mean-” Your uncle doesn't even acknowledge you begging him to stop. “Please don't.” “Where are you going?” Angel asks him. “No! Just no!” You shout at him. Angel is confused but knows something bad is happening. You try to block him. Your uncle just puts a hand on your cheek. “Kid…” he starts. “Please don't do this,” you say, and your own voice sounds weak. “It's going to be alright,” your uncle says to you. He looks over at Angel. “We don't deserve the impossible.” He moves past you. You went to try and follow him but Angel manages to catch your wrist as he tells the Haywoods what was happening over the walkie. Both Em and OJ try to reach him over the device. You see Angel move towards the mounted camera. And you can't let it end like this. You have to try. You pick up your backup 35mm and hand it to Angel. It was set up primarily for black and white but it was better than nothing. “Lens cap,” you tell him as you take over the motion picture. You blink away tears as you attempt to orient the shot. “Stubborn bastard,” you mutter as you glance back towards where your uncle was. You hear Angel shout and you weigh your options. You pull the scarf and goggles over your eyes. You could barely see but they might save more than just your vision this time. Mentally thanking your journalist friend for having gifted you the snow goggles for a Yukon shoot. The tornadic force hits you and you wonder if you might actually die for this. You feel a piercing pain in the side of your head and the world goes black.
#nope fic#angel torres#angel torres x reader#reader insert#its a monster of a fic so here is a link#tw: violence#tw: blood#tw: injury#tw: monster#tw: ptsd#tw: grief#tw: pain#tw: hospitals#tw: stitches#tw: anxiety#tw: guilt#tw: painkillers#tw: medication#tw: canon death#Antlers Holst
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just got trapped in the bathroom by a spider for like 20 minutes. stood on the edge of the bathtub for most of that bc I was so scared, then eventually realised with how bad I was shaking it was pretty likely that I'd fall and hit my head so i used a broom to open the door & yelled until my husband woke up and killed the spider. I'm free now, technically, but the spider won (I can't stop shaking and thinking about all the other big disgusting spiders that are probably all around me and I just can't see them)
#I have taken my emergency anxiety medication... there have been similar Spider Incidents that fucked me up for months#so like. I'm not risking that this time... if I stop being able to sleep in the dark again that would not be fun#because now I can hardly sleep just in general so I can not deal with that too#there's no spiders anywhere. zero spiders in this room. two cats though. they'd totally catch any spiders.#nope they wouldn't. they're useless. but they'd meow very obnoxiously until I kill the spider for them so. that's something?#spider alarm system#lol#I come back here when I have really important things to say#like. spider things#god I hate those things so fucking much#😭😭😭#tw spiders#personal
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I want my gf to come back home I can't sleep without her and I'm so tired I'm gonna cry
#5:05 in the morning#I'm gonna die (false)#she said she would be here at 3:45 but she's still with her friends#it's my fault I shouldn't base my habits around her but it's hard not to#I've been tossing and turning for hours now I just can't find sleep#tbh I don't even know if I want to sleep beside her tonight (today) now#I'm a bit tired of her saying she'll be home at a certain time and then pushing and pushing#because while it's not a problem that she has a life well...#I need some semblance of a schedule (not strict or anything but some semblance)#to be able to know when to eat sleep or do things like my online classes or housework#not being sure of anything is really messing with my anxiety at the moment#I talked about it with my gf and she said she would try to at least keep on the loop more#wich I'm grateful for#it's just that today was a bad day and I want cuddles but my lover is with her friends wich is good for her but I'm alone in my bed#and I won't be able to see my mom tomorrow because I'll need to sleep#and even though I see her once every two weeks I kinda want to see her#because I love my mom and I know she is so exhausted by my brothers and my father#being the breadwinner and all#and I want to see her and have her relax and see her 'daughter'#but nope sleep#fuck I'm so tired I didn't think I'd cry#I think the being late is like#the only thing that's hard to deal with in our relationship#because we love each other and everything is working so well but there is this#and idk it hurts me a little bit#words are important to me and keeping to your words is a must
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@beatingheart-bride
The family legacy is always at stake! Dorian thought to himself, resisting the urge to roll his eyes as he took another stiff drink, not at all missing the look Beau sent his and Emily's way; a look that said he clearly wished he could whisk the two away from this less-than-pleasant conversation.
It was a familiar phrase in his parents' vernacular (and he figured it was no different with Emily's parents); always hammering into him the importance of the Gracey legacy, a legacy he was supposed to uphold-he was expected to marry well, have an heir (preferably a son), keep up the family business, protect the fortune, and so on and so forth...it was tiring to hear; he'd heard it all his life, and whenever it was brought up, he couldn't help but feel irritated; frustrated by the desire to snap back and tell them that he didn't care, that he would marry who he pleased and would do what he wished and there'd be nothing they could do to stop him, yet unable to voice his true feelings.
"...what about William? George? Oh, there's so many names of past Gracey's that would be perfect for your little one!" Mrs. Gracey was going on and on, as Dorian's eyes began to glaze over, and he struggled not to let his irritation show, as his mother continued, "And just think! So many beautiful French names to choose from too! I'm sure there's many names in the de Clair family that would be just darling!"
What if I had a daughter? Dorian thought to himself miserably, as his mother seemed to focus exclusively on male names-honestly, it didn't matter at all to him the gender of his and Elizabeth's child (or children, he hoped), but if he were to give in to his parents' plans, what if he had a daughter? Would they be disappointed? He could only imagine they would; they always made it clear they wanted a son to carry on the family name...
#((oh hey solidarity! i've got anxiety AND ocd AND the 'final destination' series freaked me out too!))#((but in all seriousness that series is NOT good for someone who is as anxious as i am))#((because it plays on your fears; it's murphy's law x1000; anything that can go wrong will!))#((and while it does it in a way that's very over-the-top and played up; that doesn't help in my opinion!))#((honestly it's probably a BIG reason why i don't ever want to fly in an airplane))#((already the idea of flying freaks me out thanks to all the news stories of planes going down/missing))#((but that first film...oof. nope; sorry; i'm not here for it!))#((again; i know people have pointed how logistically it doesn't work and wouldn't happen))#((but look; i see a guy get trapped by a pool drain and gets his innards sucked out))#((trapped underwater with no one to help him? oh hell no!))#((i already can't swim/am afraid of deep water; that does NOT help!))#outofhatboxes#beatingheart-bride#V:Days of Future Past
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this game hasd sent me into a pit of anxiety IT WAS SO GOOD I AM LIKE. I NEED A BREATHER DUDE IM SO HYFHDSFDHSFDS I CANNOT BREATHE I AM OGING IGNIFDIJFDIFJIEFIRJIRIOWFOIJWF
#dont worry guys i get so muhc anxiety when im excited#it happened when we were all talking abt michaerl and at first i thought it was a negative reaction but#nope#im just austistic#I WILL TALK ABOUT IT TOMORROW AFTER I GO ON MY TV AND WATCH THE CANDY CADET STORY ALL THE WAY THRU BC I CANT USE THE LINKS U GUYS R SENDING#ME IM SORRY. THEYRE BLOCKED ON HERE :(#help wanted 2
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living in my own home away from my dad but he still waits up for me to get home
#i was panicking cause 'whos up at 2am. who can i call at 2am- no one will pick up the pho-- my dad. his phone is ALWAYS on loud.'#it rings twice and im like 'shit dad im so sorry to call you and wake you' and hes just there like 'oh dont worry. i was waiting for you.'#turns out: my mum was suppose to message me to tell me to call my dad when i got off the coach to walk home! she must've forgot tho#cause i was initially just gonna walk home ez - it wasnt until the guy cat called me and started following me again that i thought#nOPE NOT THE NIGHT NOT THE VICTIM I GOTTA CALL SOMEONE OR SMTH#so i thought i might have woken him but nope he was already waiting on me - kinda had a moment of !!!!!!#my dad miiight have grown to become my hero or smth pfshhh anyway#ALSO U KNOW I DID THAT THING AGAIN. random stranger starts talking loudly and i looked at him - u give them a glance and they take it ALL.#gotta learn to stop doing that for my own fuckin safety jfc. BUT I MADE IT HOME SAFE ANYWAY SO#me and my dad just talked about our days and mid way he was like 'are you okay? you sound like youre shivering? is it cold or-'#'OH YEA im just cold. its freezing.' 'Ha! trust me there is nothing better than being in the freezing cold and then getting into bed.#best feeling... i know you have your own life now but its good to make sure you get home safe.'#ITS LIKE ONE OF THOSE LIKE. ARHGHGH my dad loves me fuck the rest of yall-#this is for all those people who say i have daddy issues cause i make a father figure out of every character i like-#ur correct but-#ANYWAY SOmetimes forget my dad has unmedicated anxiety. my mans out here fighting for him life on a random saturday cause his kid#didnt get home until 2am. then he wakes up at 6am to help my brother - My guy doing It All.#my art#ted talk
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this vacation is not off 2 a good start yall :(
pippin had 2 go in2 hospital the morning that i left bc she'd suddenly gotten really sick and now she's gonna be there for a couple days bc of IV hydration/diagnostics/observation (*scream*)
aforementioned travel sequence from hell
airline FORGOT my suitcase in stockholm (tho supposedly it'll get delivered 2 me tmrw.....)
i FORGOT THE RIGHT PLUG ADAPTOR i brought the uk one by accident instead -_-
and finally, most recently i made a complete and utter fool of myself at the self checkout at the grocery store across the street so now i can Never Ever Go Back There Again
#i ordered a uk to eu adaptor online to pick up in store but even tho the webpage confirmed the order and they charged it to my card#i didnt get the confirmation text when i was supposed to and i dont wanna keep roaming on a second day...#idve been fine with just a usb adapter but alas. i need my laptop for schoolwork while im here#had the most perfect mcnuggets of my life in a random mall basement mcdicks tonite#so at least theres that lol#ah well. concert sunday. hike tuesday. at least theres stuff 2 look forward too lol#i always underestimate my anxiety being in a country where i dont speak the language :///#like its not abt being understood bc i KNOW a lot of ppl here know english its like. idk. the need 4 other ppl 2 accommodate me#the inability 2 idk 'blend in' or be like invisible. leave no imprint behind on other ppl out in public. but nope. theres my anglo ass :/#(ik its not entirely a rational anxiety but still)#of course the first time i travel 4 an extended distance/time by myself is the first time an airline fucks up with my luggage :(#want my fuzzy sweater & my pajama pants :( ive been in jeans for like 36 hours..... help...
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The universe HATES me, so... 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
reblog for good things to happen to you
the universe will listen
#doubtful#nope#don't buy it#though here i am#doing it anyway#anxiety#mental health#mental health awareness
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#gonna ramble in the tags because my brain sucks and if i put this in my own personal discord server im gonna see it all the time#so id rather throw it here and forget about it and have it drowned out by various fandom posts and other posts i simply find neat#existential anxiety is an absolute fucking bitch and i hate that it randomly haunts me often for no reason#i have however figured out that its exacerbated by stress and feeling a lack of control over my life#cause one day im gonna be old and close my eyes for the last time and thats it#i wont wake up in a new life and forget this one i wont be in a number of fictional universes i enjoy#i wont even wake up in an afterlife#hell even if there is on (i believe there is) i wont see it cause i have aphantasia#i see absolute sweet fuck all in my head! even my dreams tend to be kinda fuzzy and tunnel visioned!#im nearly 30 and as a kid i oculd never conceive of life beyond my teens and as a teen i couldnt imagine my 20s#and now im turning 29 this year ive temporarily moved halfway across the world to be with my fiance of 8 years in an attempt to make this#move permanent and... ive done nothing truly significant#i wanted to work in languages as a teen primarily because i loved hetalia at the time and it sparked my desire to truly understand history#and culture and communication and finally connect with people#it really should have been obvious to the career coach lady that i was autistic seriosuly how the fuck did it go unnoticed by everyone#except my mother and she didnt even support me properly!#youd think that this anxiety would propel me into doing the things i want to do which rn is photography#but nope! all it does is make me scared to sleep because what if thats the last time i close my eyes and i dont know it?!#so now im here occasionally publishing my silly tiktok videos#doing my best to not backhand mil or shake my fiance because they talk like a baby sometimes and that sets off various buttons with me#for reasons i havent fully figured out yet#i have so many friends and interests and the family i still speak to is lovely and supportive#though lets not get into nanny getting old and knowing that itll be time to say goodbye to her though hopefully not for another decade#but yeah. my brain sucks i cant afford to go back to therapy rn because im unemplyed#the job hunt sucks cause canadas job market is somehow worse than englands and i cant even get financial support here cause temp resident#and every so often my brain just throws this existential bullshit at me for no reason#im gonna go do the souless job search now#and set this to not be reblogged because frankly no one needs to be inflicted with this in their head
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🙃
#vent post feel free to ignore#……………………………………………………….#gahhh leave it to my parents to just destroy any bit of joy I felt this weekend oof#making me feel just. supremely guilty for not being here when my mom decided she was going to clean and organize my room#(I *tried* to tell her I could do it when I got back but nope I come home to my entire room reorganized)#(which is supremely anxiety inducing bc i have no idea if my mom found any of my pride stuff#or if she recognized my binders for what they were 🙃)#and let’s not forget the whole thing about me not exercising while I was gone and ‘choosing to be lazy’#I was so so happy this morning even though I had to come home and now…….#I just really wish I could go back to 24 hours ago :/#no one cares sage#vent post#just venting
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